The IRS wanted you all to see the gift that StickerNewz General Manager Max Rhinehart bought for himself.  According to Max's tax records he purchased for himself this 1964 Piper-Cub that needed work for $850 bucks:

And now your StickerNewz Report for Saddleday, Nostember 33rd, Emerald City.  I'm John A. Orther and I'm overjoyed at being here with you today.  Michael Jackson could not be with us today as he is molesting a youngster.  Not that there's anything wrong with molesting children.   But it's time for the question and answer segment of the StickerNewz Report where you, the listener, can ask a question about anything from Stickers to why  Basil Rathbone didn't have his name changed.  Our sister station, WeddingNewz recently did an article on using Moisonite instead of diamonds in engagement rings.  Even though this subject can't get any more boring we're going to take our first call from Mr. Hackenspitzmondelpus of Albany, Texas.

"Hi Mr.Hacken. ......uh, what's your first name?"

"Falsenridgerindackianellapoindexter".

"Holy cr..."

 'But you can call me, Falsenridgerindackian for short". 

"Alrighty then, what's your question".

John, THIS FLAVOR WAS CREATED IN AN EXTREMELY LARGE BUT VERY DRY, WELL HIDDEN LAB IN A SMALL TOWN OUTSIDE OF RURAL INDIANAPOLIS. THE FLAVOR IS SO CLOSELY GUARDED AND SECRET FROM THE PUBLIC THAT IT AIN'T EVEN FUNNY.  SORTA LIKE THIS ARTICLE.

HISTORICALLY THIS ALL OCCURRED IN THE SELDOM HEARD OF "LUKE WARM WAR", THE ONE BETWEEN WORLD WAR II AND THE COLD WAR.  YEP THOSE WERE LUKEWARM TIMES.   I ONCE HEARD BRIGADIER GENERAL RUSTY SHACKELFERD SAY,  "LUKEST WARM WAR I EVER DID SEE".  BUT ANYWAY, THE ONLY THING KEEPING MOISONITE FROM BEING THE BEST SUBSTITUTE FOR DIAMONDS WOULD HAVE TO BE THE INVENTION OF HARDENED, HEAT TREATED ROCK CANDY.  THAT IS ONLY BECAUSE OF ROCK CANDY'S RESEMBLANCE TO DIAMONDS.  IT CERTAINLY WOULD NOT BE BECAUSE OF IT'S FLAVOR CAUSE THAT STUFF TASTES LIKE COW SHIT.  AND YES, I'VE TASTED COW SHIT. TO ME, ANOTHER GOOD SUBSTITUTE FOR YOUR DIAMOND SETTINGS IN ENGAGEMENT RINGS WOULD HAVE TO BE DRIED CHICKEN FAT.  YES I SAID DRIED CHICKEN FAT.   WHY NOT?  IT'S CHEAP AND VERY ACCESSIBLE.   I HAPPEN TO HAVE SOME ON MY SANDWICH AND M! Y RING FINGER AS WE SPEAK.

WELL ANYWAYS, THAT'S ALL THE INFO I CAN SHARE WITH YOU GOOD PEOPLE FROM MY PERSONAL SECRET LAB AT 1414 WEST 7TH STREET IN SHEBOYGAN.  THANK YOU FOR YOUR INTEREST IN THE LUKE AND COLD WAR ERAS.  AND REMEMBER, IF IT LOOKS LIKE CANDY CORN AND IT SMELLS LIKE CANDY CORN AND YOU ARE POSITIVE THAT IT IS CANDY CORN AND IT COSTS ABOUT ELEVEN CENTS PER POUND THEN THERE'S A GOOD CHANCE THAT IT'S A DIAMOND.  Am I right or am I right?

Well Mr. Hackenspitzmondelpus you're right on the rock candy thing but there is a gigantic drawback.  Under the perfect circumstances (20 degrees Celsius and Latitude 451 on September 16th of any year) a ring with a rock candy setting will melt.  How'd that be if a guy was on his knees presenting his best girl with what appeared to be a $75,000.00 engagement ring on the 16th while visiting Nova Scotia and the damn thing melted all over her index finger?  Even though the ring only cost him $17.44 it just is not worth taking the risk.  The chicken fat thing might work but I don't think it can withstand the conditions candy corn is able to.  You know how they proved that if you drop a 16 penny nail in a Coke it will disintegrate?  Well, If you took the same bottle of Coke with the nail in it and dropped it into a solution of liquid candy corn, not only would the glass evaporate but the nail, now exposed to pure candy corn, would actually take on the properties of the candy corn and be stronger than a titanium, plutonium, steel beam 7 foot long and 11 inches thick.  Just one of these beams could support the Golden Gate Bridge, Alcatraz and Rhode Island combined.  Now that's some wicked freakin' strength!  So Candy Corn is the diamond of the future in my estimation.

This edition of the StickerNewz Report was wrong on so many levels that we just can't go into it.

ok, thanks