Hold on just a sec. Inside the StickerNewzroom things are buzzing. The sixteen 53" wide screen Motorolas are working harder than a three legged otter trying to take down a wounded buffalo chasing a half eaten gazelle. Tom's over in the Doppler just laughing his ass off. ( "........shut up Tommy! I'm working!" ). Sorry folks. We just can't get over the Mt. Everest situation. We're going to go live to Amy Hecklearnian in Switzerland...."Amy...........Amy.........can you hear us?" "John, I'm anding here w...........a sergean n .......iss army. ergeant illere...Just ..hat is the situati.......asko?" "Amy, Amy you're breaking up bad but we don't want to leave you. Can you hear me clearly?" Ye........ohn you........oming in oud..........ear. Serg.......ent mill........finding out jus......ened to leon...... d Kask.....time in the ail ell.. Th......invest.....ion...set fo....Thurs...ay and it appears tha......asko will te in for anothe .......ickers and abels. I thought that was a bit......range. ack to you John". "Okay Amy, stay with it and keep us up to par on the Leonard Kasko Everest Sticker Trial. You're doing great". " ..anks ohn! Th......fern...s Academy Aw...rd spec.........ion, ha ha."

That was Amy Hecklearnian reporting live from the Swiss Alps. She has to be emotional about this. Her bread and butter is the Sticker industry and she knows it. Is Leonard Kasko a criminal? We report the news; you have to decide. We'll check in with Amy from time to time as the evening progresses. But I want to get to that Testimonial segment and we're going to do that right after this. Stay with us.

Diamonds tell her that you love her. Decals are cheaper. Think about it men. You met her in the eighth grade and watched her blossom into the Quintessential Cheerleader in High School. When College came you were sure she would leave you but you were in love. Oh how you wished you could afford that Diamond - cause a diamond is forever and that is just how long you wanted to hold her. Following graduation from college both of your careers advanced. Finally the day arrived - you and the love of your life were on the beach off the coast of Greece and under moonlit clouds. You got down on one knee and opened the Black Velvet box to reveal an horrifically gorgeous 24k Diamond Ring. She closed the box and with tears falling on blushing cheeks said, "No". See; now if you would have went with the decals starting in the 8th grade and gave her three or four a month till that moonlit night, your odds would have considerably increased in your effort to snag her. At Sherzinger's Decals we say, "Decals are NOT a girl's best friend, nor are they forever but they last pretty dang long". See us for all your decal needs. (800)NOTDIAMONDS or sherzingersdecals.com

Welcome back - I'm John Orther for Sticker News. Finally, testimonial time. Let's read what a few label lovers have to say about..................... wait...........what's that?.....okay.....okay............okay. I apologize for this again but we need to go right back to Amy Hecklearnian at police headquarters in Switzerland. "Amy......Amy..........I cannot believe what I'm hearing: Leonard Kasko has been assassinated just minutes ago?" "...es....ohn......it seems th.......asko while.....eing...ansported to a ...op.. .ecurity..ell was shot direc...ly in the....an....colian...five or..ix.... ..he...ssassin..as ..... goslovian.... mai....seco....fond....eaver..and from the....finis..amed Lee rvey Oswald...... he...irony is....be.....gett...sur.....passing.. ust below by a kite. ...ack to you..ohn, I'm ..my Heckl.....an for ..ye witness ....icker ews".

WHAT?

Anyways, we'll try to get to the bottom of the Kasko, Everest, Sticker, Arrest, Assassination, what not later. It seems that we are limited on time and so we'll only look at one Sticker, Decal and Label testimonial and what not! We asked Eighteen year old Duddley Fendermen from Oshkosh, Georgia what he thought about our theme song. Duddley writes, "Theme Song? That's not a theme song; it sucks. I'll tell you what I hate and that's the bold and blatant manner in which you morons at this so called news station went straight to a Diamond Commercial just when the action was picking up with the Kasko dude as a bullet passed straight thru whatever that organ was he got hit in. Money, money, money......that's all you idiots think of. I'll tell you what your theme song should be: Money, money, money, muuuuny, muny. Money, money, money, muuuuny, muny." (The preceding testimony for Stickers and Labels was unsolicited and given willingly. Mr. Fendermen received no compensation for his exuberant endorsement of our products). -------------------------------------------------------- That's pretty much it for tonite everybody. We'll keep a tight reign on the Alps thing. okay thanks