......."so this has got to be the tenth or fifteenth time you've told this Irv"........."Hey Maynerd I guess you really don't want that huge discount on the Dover Mini-RV after all.  With all due respect, if you would like to save that massive cash I recommend keeping your large speaking tool clamped up.  I have never in my life shared this story with anybody.....It was late in 1939 and I was a rookie pilot for the Army-Air Corps out of Broomfield, Mass.  Chester Cauldfield and I were co-pilots in the Cargo branch of the Corp.  Our plane was a converted B-17 Flying Fortress that had been remodeled to carry extremely heavy equipment and arms to various points around the globe.  

 

One day, about 13 months into our missions we were instructed to arrive at Hickam Field, Hawaii to pick-up and deliver a single item to Korea.  After landing at Hickam we went into the canteen to down as much coffee as humanly possible.  It was quiet in the canteen and Chester asked, 'Hey Irv, whata ya suppose we're lifting today?'  About that time we looked out on the tarmac to see the fattest woman in the World being wheeled out toward our ship.  Chester and I quickly finished our last cup and made our way to the B-17.  Upon entering the cockpit we noticed our orders taped to Chester's wheel.  'Transport occupant, using extreme caution, to Sigmund Field Army Hospital in Seoul, Korea.'   We both simultaneously, at the same time, shook our heads in disbelief as I started the props.  The Flying Fortress took off at 0715 Hawaii time headed East toward Korea."

 

"It is now that the story becomes.....uh.....three, no trump....it is now that the story becomes interesting.   About an hour into our flight and passing straight over Sin-Yun-Mung, China, the last remaining cannibal village in China, I noticed the weather getting a bit ruff and instructed Chester to engage the 'fasten seat belt' lights.  By some strange quirk of fate Chester inadvertently pushed the 'bombay door open' button on the console.  The ship immediately climbed approximately 1,000 feet to an altitude of 38,000 feet."

 

Folks, I need to break in here and pause for station identification and a couple commercials.  Do not go away as we will hear the conclusion of this exciting story.  Stay with us, won't you:

 

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We're back and ready to resume our bridge game conversation.

"At 38,000 feet Chester and I stared straight ahead for, what seemed to be an eternity and did not speak.  We both seemed to muster the courage to look down and witness a gigantic metallic like human being  hurling at over 200 miles an hour straight toward the Earth.  I turned the large ship starboard and descended to about 600 feet above the village.  We noticed that the wheelchair along with it's cargo had landed directly in a huge pot of boiling stew.  The Oriental natives were cheering and dancing with glee at the miracle.  Still no words were uttered in the cockpit as I took the ship back up to standard altitude and continued toward Seoul.

"No thanks honey, I'm fine on my drink.  Maybe a half hour passed as Chester and I flew in a surreal silence.  Finally, to my right, I heard a very soft, depressed and quiet voice slowly say, 'Irv?'..........'yeah Chess?'...... .......'Would that be considered ONE TON SOUP?'   

The laughter was so uproarious and loud that birds were peering at the cockpit.  That same level of laughter continued all the way to Sigmund Field Army Hospital in Seoul, Korea".

 

Ok, I have to say it, thanks