BREAKING NEWS
BREAKING NEWS
BREAKING NEWS
John Andrew Orther
Internationally famed Bavarian
Mountain Climber Leonard Kasko
forged his way up to the top of Mr.
Everest in record time Saturday
with his
backpack full.
At the Apex he proceeded to apply
thousands of these little adhesive
messages to the various and many
International Flags. Nearly
200 countries are represented by
flags atop Everest. After
hours of work the multitude of flags
resembled Salvador Dali
Masterpieces. Hundreds of
fellow climbers reached the peak
Sunday to read the colorful
billboards. The flags now
advertise everything from "I Like
Ike" to "zoomersurfboards.com".
Kasko was handcuffed
as soon as he reached the base of
Everest. His only comment to
this reporter was, ".....if Ahnold
can become Guvinor of CALIFOHNIA why
can't I climb to the top uf da Wohld
too?" (Amy Heclearnian reporting
from the Swiss Alps).
In a related story,
the legendary Edgarballs Tablet
known to the masses as the "Dung
Sticker" was stolen from the
Vanderbilt Art Gallery in Vermont.
It had been at the Museum since
early 1966. The Edgarballs
Tablet was sold to the Gallery that
year by Oregonian native Shemp
Diesel for an undisclosed price.
We tried to contact Diesel for
comment but he had nothing to say
from his home under the I-73 bypass
bridge outside of Portland, Kansas.
Right now thousands of Pink Ribbons
reading "Bring Back Our Dung" are
being applied to vehicle windows
throughout the Northeast. The
priceless tablet was appraised by
Lloyds at $175,000,000. The
Curator of the Gallery was not
available for comment. (Amy Hecklearnian reporting from the
Swiss Alps).
WHAT ARE YOUR IDEAS?
We here at StickerNews want to
introduce a new segment to our
lineup. We're going to call it
"What Are Your Ideas?" This
will be a new forum where you can
voice ideas on how to improve the
sticker and label industry.
Send your suggestions to
jorther@cinci.rr.com
Here is our
first entry:
It comes from Dale Greybush of
Roanoke, Iowa. Dale
writes, "I'll tell ya what;
when I see a funny bumper sticker I
laugh harder than a hyena on purple
microdot. How bout gettin the
ball rollin on some new ones?
Fer example; you could have an
acronym C.A.B.S. - "Citizens Against
Bumper Stickers". That tickles
me. My brother Cleetus and me
drive around in the pick-up with a
bumper sticker that says:
"If we're not supposed to eat
animals then why did God make them
outta meat?" I seen one
t'other day said, "My best friend
ran off with my wife and I'm
beginnin to miss him". I
laughed harder than a caged monkey
with a vibrator strapped to its
armpit. Almost wrecked into
Bonnie Jean Kaiser's daughter
Eugenia in her 1972 Vega.
She's a sweet little thing.
Needs a vat of deodorant, I'm
thinkin'. I sent her a case of
Palmolive and a half used Speedstick
for her birthday. She didn't take
kindly to that. Sometimes she likes to expose
various parts of her anatomy if ya
know what I mean. But her
momma Bonnie Jean's had it tuff.
She lost five brothers in 1968.
All kilt in a church bus accident
up'ere North of Nashville on I-75.
A drunk driver caused it. Harvey Plutz was warned and warned
not to drive that church bus drunk.
Then Bonnie Jean had eleven
husbands. ELEVEN! Eugenia was a
product of husband number six, Roy
Kaiser. He still bags down to
the IGA in Boise. Worst excuse
for a human being ever put on the
face of this Earth".
Well, Oh my
Gosh! Whew.......Dale sure
wasn't at a loss for words was he?
I wanted to get some testimonials
and a bit more sticker evolution in
this issue but it seems were out of
time. We'll begin with some
great testimonials in our next
installment.
okay thanks
