When you think of Verizon Wireless it is only natural to expect quality service and sales.  When you think of Johnson & Johnson it is natural to expect high standards. But when you think of Monkey Manure it is natural to expect extreme odors.  There is really nothing more to say on the subject. 

Just the other day I was doing some research on Car Security Labels and came across the following quote:  "The reason Michael Jackson likes twenty eight year olds is cause there are 20 of them".  My first reaction was one of disbelief.  I could not understand why Michael Jackson would want a Car Security Label unless he had a nice car that he wanted some protection for.  In laymen's terms, "A goat in the bush is worth at least ten bucks". 

I'm not trying to take a political stand here.  I'm not doing that at all.  It's just that Motorola, HBO and Huffy Bicycles are not the same thing.  Motorola makes quality three-wheelers, HBO makes awesome treadmills and Huffy is in the Restaurant business.  At the San Diego Zoo you might find a Monkey, Michael Jackson, A Buck, A Deer, A Female Deer, Ray a drop of Golden Sun, A goat in the bushes and Seventy-two Motorola 3,000 inch TV's with Car Security Labels attached. 

Stop me if you've heard this one:  "A cowboy, a goat farmer and Michael Jackson walk into a bar.  The Bartender says, 'Oh HELL No!  We're not even going to even start this joke'".   Fluorescent Brightly Colored Stock is not a common conversation piece that one might find at an all night sleepover.   But, believe it or not, that's just what happened last year at the Annual Knight's of Hoboken Lodge Party.  Ninety-three idiots wearing those goofy-assed, flat-topped hats with a ribbon hanging off the top came popping out of a 6,000 ton cake.  I laughed so hard I could hardly finish eating the entire cake. 

Bumper Stickers, Auto Decals, and Laminated Tamperproof Stickers are not an endangered species.  As a matter of fact Shemp Diesel has a Bumper Sticker, Auto Decal and Laminated Tamperproof Sticker Booth just outside of Denver's Mile High Stadium in Oxnard, California.   Before the beginning of the onset of the start of commencing the games at the stadium Shemp has a microphone and makes the same announcement:  "Ladies and Gentlemen!  Grover T. Edgarballs is a faggot!" 

It is my wish that you fine folks who have taken your valuable time to read this article would advertise your Website or your Rock and Roll Band with us.   If you should choose to do so I might arrange for you to receive a couple Band Stickers at no charge to you the customer.  Remember the little girl Brittany?  I sent her 17,000 Oval Band Stickers reading, "Fung and The Rocket Poopers SUCK!"  She was so grateful that she divorced her boyfriend and moved in with Michael Jackson and his twenty eight year olds. 

Flag Stickers are another issue.   Ok, here's the thing:  "An Adhesive Label, a Printed Sticker and a Sequentially numbered pad of Xerox letterhead walked into a bar.  The Bartender looked at the trio and said, 'This shit is gettin old'". 

Once again it's time for, yes, you guessed it:
TOM PHANDERPHATZ'S RIGLEYS MAYBE IT'S TRUE, MAYBE IT'S MADE UP:
yippee

1.  Curly, Larry Fine, Moe, and Shemp Diesel collaborated on the invention of the modern Shipping Box Sticker.
Maybe it's true, Maybe it's made up.

2.  California dropped into the Pacific Ocean three days after the end of the Civil War.
Maybe it's true, Maybe it's made up.

3.  There are actual Stickers in the shape of the State of Texas. huh, huh
Maybe it's true, Maybe it's made up.

4.  Below is a photo of Climax.  This is not a cat!  It is an Australian Grey Monkey.  This monkey has all the characteristics of a common house cat but it is unable to swing from tree to tree using only its tail.
Maybe it's true, Maybe it's made up.

This episode of Tom Phanderphatz's Rigleys Maybe it's True, Maybe it's Made Up was brought to you by
Bob's Vinyl Cut-Out Lettering, Co., Inc. 
Makers of Vinyl Cut-Out Letters.  Contact us for all your Vinyl Cut-Out Lettering needs at sales@bobsvinylcutoutletteringcoinc.com or call 800DUMBASS. 
I'm Bob Tallchief and you have my word on it.

Next time I want to let you know how to go about Advertising your Website on a Sticker.

Okay thanks