It's not often that a major
broadcasting company legitimately
and without strings attached gives
away absolutely
free money. The StickerNewz advertising budget for fiscal 2004-05 is $3,000,000. Our actual advertising cost is projected to be about $206.74. So what will happen to the nearly $3,000,000. surplus, you ask? Let me break it down for you: 1. Max will skim approx. $1,000,000. 2. Tom's Court Costs approx. $720,000. 3. Typing paper approx. $11.62 4. Balance....................approx. $1,280,000. I am prepared to give away any or all of this $1.3 million balance to you, the faithful partners and members of the Sticker Report. Free Cash! Free Moohlah, Free, Free, Free money. You might ask how does it work? How can I win free money? How can I cash in? How can I live the rest of my life without working? How can I tell my mother-in-law to take a flying leap? Well, let me tell you how. It works like this: On a 3x5 postcard compose an essay of eleven words or less about what the Free Money Industry means to you. Send your entry to:
StickerNewz (Entries may not exceed eleven words and must be postmarked no later than 12-15-04. Use profanity at your own risk and no plagiarism). Amy will read each and every entry, count the words, and then choose the best 300. These 300 will be tossed into a hopper and on Christmas day, 2004 Tom Phanderphatz will pick two winners. These winners will share the free cash prize of free money. (Employees of StickerNewz and their families are ineligible). (phone rings) "Yeah Max?........right.....sure.....right.....but Max.....if.....Yeah ok.....right.... .....but.....but.....b......b......b.....but.....that's just a Federal Law that employees are ineliga.....but....I'm.....but....ok......ok.....ok....I know but.......WHAT?......are you crazy Max?......50 cents? 50 cents?...........50 cents divided by two is a quarter.... ......what? ......but....b.....b......bu....but...I can't advertise Free Cash and then give the two winners a quarter each. Their stamp for the postcard cost more than that!.........But.......I know but that's just.......but...yeah I do!....but......No!... ..you're a dumbass Max!.....yeah.....I don't care about your new indoor pool.. ..No....but.....but....b...bu....sure but....yeah, but isn't your customary one million per year off the top of the advertising budget enough to......but Max...I...(click). Anyways folks, get those entries in Today! ADVERTISEMENT
Next time: An exclusive interview with Shemp Diesel
okay
thanks |
