Before we look at the life of an Internet Gambler I want to give a quick response to one of our Soccer Moms that we heard from the other day.  Angela (Angie) Simms of Mount High Saint Pleasant, NY asked about Leonard Kasko and how he met his death.  Below is a portion of the transcript as we received it from Amy Hecklearnian in the Swiss Alps:

"...es....ohn......it seems th.......asko while.....eing...ansported to a ...op.. .ecurity..ell was shot direc...ly in the....an....colian...five or..ix.... ..he...ssassin..as ..... goslovian.... mai....seco....fond....eaver..and from the....finis..amed Lee   rvey Oswald...... he...irony is....be.....gett...sur.....passing.. ust below by a kite.  ...ack to you..ohn,  I'm ..my Heckl.....an for ..ye witness ....icker  ews", (cf. article # four at this site).

Now Angie, Amy was gambling with her life as she made this report.  A sort of Russian Roulette you might say.  You can Bet that the weather was bad because of the poor transmission we received from her.  She was playing dice with the Devil and almost crapped out.  It turned out that Amy was caught in the crossfire of the assassin's bullet.  She is fine and is planning a well deserved vacation to Las Vegas soon.  Now about your question.  If you look closely to the part of the transcript that reads,  "shot direc...ly in the...an....colian...five..ix...."  it is clear that Leonard Kasko, after being interviewed by Amy was on his way to Jail in the Courthouse at Geneva, Switzerland when he was attacked from behind and shot in the colian five or six times.  Either that or he was shot directly in the ankle by a colian five or six feet away.  I did some research on the word "colian"! and it seems that the word does NOT exist in any of the over 1,100 languages on planet Earth.  So,  it is necessary that we go with the British Theory on the Death of Leonard Kasko.  He was shot by an Alien.  Yeah, that's it.  An alien who has the word "colian" in its language.  Brit philosopher Hygene Quizenberry surmises that a Martian type intellectual being would pronounce the word "Colian" as "ZEETFRIM".  (say "zeetfrim" using that real nasally, high pitched voice). 

So,  Angie,  Leonard Kasko was clearly shot five or six times by a Martian using a Ray Gun directly in the Colian.  Thanks for the question Angie and, remember, here at StickerNewz we aim to figure it out to your complete satisfaction every time.

THE INVENTION OF POKER

The game of Poker was accidentally invented in the Summer of 1738 by Butterfly McQueen Rasputin.  Rasputin was a coal miner out of Piccadilly Circus, Ireland.  His sister was the World Famous Violinist Sylvia Fitzlemptsilly.  But enough about Butterfly McQueen Rasputin's sister Sylvia Fitzlemptsilly being the World Famous Violinist.  We really need to move on in our Quest to seek out and pinpoint just how this card game known as Poker came into being.

Ah POKER.  Poker, Poker, Poker, Poker, Poker.  There's nothing that sounds quite like the word "Poker".  "X-ray" doesn't sound like Poker.  "Main Street" doesn't sound like Poker.  "Coker" doesn't sound....... ..... .....well anyways, there's just nothing like Poker. Whether it be 7 Card Stud Poker, 5 Card Draw Poker, No Limit Texas Holdem Poker, Online Poker, Offline Poker, Strip Poker, Forensic Evidence Poker, Saint Elmo's Fire Poker, My Dad Can Kick Your Dad's Ass Poker, Fireplace Poker, Poker in the Ass, Mary had a Little Poker, Jack Be Nimble, Jack Be Quick, Jack Jumped Over The Candle Poker, or I Hate Sundays Cause They Always Remind Me Of Going Back To Slave In The Ballbearing Factory Poker,  Poker is just that - POKER!

 (phone rings, I Pickup, It's Tom)

 ....."What Tom?".............. "Johnny, johnny, johnny, johnny, johnny.....Did you just say Coker, Strip Poker and Poker in the Ass all in the same paragr...."

('click' I hang up)

Butterfly McQueen Rasputin was just like you and me; except for the fact that he lived in Ireland in the 18th Century and had a Famous Sister Violinist.  Oh, Yeah, plus he also lost an arm after that nasty fire poker accident in December of 1731.  That's where we came up with the phrase "One Armed Bandit" in relation to the Slot Machine.

ONLINE SLOT MACHINES!   Now there's a sport for ya, Huh?  These Bad Boys are awesome!   First of all, there's nobody around!  It's just you and this enormous, empty Casino right in your office/study/den.  You deposit money by way of many and various deposit methods.  THAT'S IT!  just you and your mouse.  I nicknamed my mouse Butterfly McQueen.  Incidentally, in the Outback Region of Australia there is a Creature known as the Butterfly Mouse.  This Mouse is a rodent like animal with only one tooth and is multi-colored.  The Butterfly Mouse became extinct some one trillion years ago and every living scientist insists that it never even existed.

After you make your initial deposit at the online Casino just sit back and start spinning the reels.  There are nine line, five reel slots,  five line, five reel slots and, of course, the garden variety one line, three reel slots.  The designers of these puppies were truly inspired. That, or their spouses slapped 'em silly with an edge trimmer. Think of it as your very own Casino in your living room. You could walk around the house posing as an owner of a multi-billion dollar corporation while your kids are sitting in front of the computer playing Video Poker. Your neighbor could be a pit boss. Imagine the possibilities. (Please don't try this at home. Players must be 21 years or older. Offer may vary in certain states).

Next time I want to explore just what makes Tom Tick?  I'm pulling for some sort of explosive device.

okay thanks